Blunt Word Fest
I never really got into Grey’s Anatomy. I take that back. I binge-watched two seasons while living in Switzerland in 2007 and it contributed to me spinning deep into a depression, so I finally stopped when I realized watching that drama wasn’t helping me… but my point here is that there was one episode that stood out in the first season.
There was a man who was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and while on his deathbed, he was dictating very angry letters to send to people upon his death. They were awful, venomous letters. They told people exactly what he thought of them. Then there was a miracle, and his health turned around, and he wasn’t going to die after all. And he had the realization that all that stuff was eating at him inside and probably what caused him to almost die in the first place. And he said “Send them anyway. Send them all.” He was free. He was willing to deal with the consequences of telling his truth, too. Finally.
I’m with this today. I have some harsh things I want to say to a few people in my life, present, and past. Things that feel blunt and mean to say. I am patient though, I don’t have to say them today, but even the idea and permission to have these thoughts and feelings for myself already feel very liberating. It’s okay to feel and think these things. And then have the self-judgement layer on top of that. That having these thoughts and feelings makes me cold and mean and heartless, etc. Another layer to deal with exactly the same way as the original thoughts themselves. We are really only afraid of our own thoughts and feelings and our own judgments about our own thoughts and feelings. The energy in my body is very powerful as I let myself have this. It’s not easy to deal with, but I’m facing it today.
This was also brought on by the very satisfying ending of the show Black Mirror I’ve been watching on Netflix. Season 3, Episode 1. Highly relevant to our social media times and the ending of that show is fantastic. Cathartic even. So good. Really Recommended. Curious if you watch it, what it did for you.
Again, I don’t need to have a blunt word fest with people really, but there is much relief letting myself have it on the inside. And maybe I’ll have it on the outside too when the time is right. Nothing to fear. This is me sorting out my relationship with myself really.