I just want to be completely and unapologetically me, and I bet you do too.
I went to a three and a half hour singing workshop Sunday afternoon and I was struck by the sweet vulnerability everyone shared as they stood up and sang what they prepared. Most everyone was so nervous. The teacher was great in making it safe to be nervous and vulnerable, so it was all handled very well, but I couldn’t help but wonder how much time we all waste apologizing and putting ourselves down to others. It’s an incredible waste of time because every single person wanted everyone else to fully succeed. I am amazed how hard we are on ourselves and how much it gets in the way of getting down to what we are here to create and express. So much time spent on propping each other up when it could be spent on helping each other express from our already inherent greatness.
It was so annoying! I mean, I had immense compassion for everyone, but I was annoyed in general about how we are so conditioned to stay small, humble, telling ourselves in front of everyone that we’re not good enough for this or that reason, and then when others say, “No, you are wrong, you are wonderful, thank you for sharing yourself!” how hard it is for people to just receive that, to stop the self-flogging and just start, where they are and grow from there. No self-bashing needed to do that. I’m aware of all this because I am and have been one of these people I talk about too, but it really hit me in this workshop what a waste of time this truly is, and even an egoic self-serving act. And by that, I mean that self-bashing serves the conditioning and keeping that alive, not your growth and expansion beyond it. But of course, that is the whole point of this workshop really, to grow beyond that conditioning, and it was already amazing to see some real transformations, or the budding beginnings of some, within ten minutes of being pushed and coached to being there, owning it, unapologetically present and presenting.
Sitting with this realization a lot today, and so, this evening at my School of Rock band practice, my voice opened up and I rocked all my songs OUT. Something has shifted in the last few weeks for me with my singing and the Sunday workshop solidified it even more. I’m louder and bolder and I’m excited about what is coming out of me.
To keep surprising myself is the greatest gift of being alive as a creator on this planet…and I just want to be here, unapologetically me, whoever that is day-to-day. Don’t you?
Singing loud, singing quiet, or singing pretty or harsh, singing goofy or sexy. All of it, whenever it wants to come out, not measured against or compared to another state of expression or being.
It’s all me.
Singing for me has been one of the most valuable ways to explore all the facets of my expressing. One of my goals with this workshop was to find MY voice, not copying other’s musical style, but I think this may be a bigger exploration than I initially anticipated because I am realizing deeper that I am all of the styles, I am unlimited. Now can I just let whatever come through that wants to come through? I think I can, through exploring other styles in their extremes, somewhere in the midst of it all, in the center is mine voice and it will always continue to shift and change and grow for the rest of my life. I can’t land anywhere in particular and that’s okay, but my biggest rewards are when I meet “it” for a little bit in this moment, give myself over and express it as it flows through me.
Whatever your creative expression, this can apply to that too, I just know that for me it’s been through singing.
Joyful expressing and creating and Love to all!